Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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