What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
