wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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