I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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