no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
