So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
