How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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