i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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