I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
