I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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