she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
