I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
