Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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