it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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