so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
