I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
