And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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