We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
