I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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