Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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