I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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