Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
