Sponge bath it is.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
