I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
