You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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