Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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