Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
