Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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