well you can't waste a boner
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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