mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
