Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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