But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
