Screwed.edu
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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