Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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