if i can run in heels then i can drive
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
