Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
