haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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