tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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