I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
