So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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