My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
