All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
