you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
