Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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