Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
