some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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