I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
