Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
