I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
