I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
