btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just want nice things and good sex
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
